Our society, and many others worldwide, perpetuate the
institution that is rape culture. There are many reasons that such an abhorrent
social structure has continued to thrive, even in the face of broadening
enlightenment about the widespread damage that rape and sexual assault cause. Our
media is inundated with flawed perceptions heavily influenced by rape culture.
Movies, magazines, books and even educational programs trivialize the ordeal of
victims by portraying it as a desirable sexual act, and our opinions change as
these messages are broadcast.
We as a society
allow sexual predators the ability to assault with impunity, by excusing
rapists, by putting the onus on the victim to prevent their own victimization,
and by refusing to reinforce our sexual education to dispel the myths
surrounding assault and sexual predators. (I want to take a moment to lay out a
disclaimer; I have a tendency to refer to victims as 'she' or 'her', and
perpetrators as 'he' or 'him'. I do not do this to demean the experience of non
female victims, or to insinuate that men are the only ones that rape, only to
allow the flow of the dialogue to go uninterrupted, and as an attempt to keep
this to only two pages. I will most likely go over that anyway, but alas, I am
pretentious and long winded.) Feminist theory says that these behaviors stem
from the subjugation of women, but I also believe that conflict and critical theory
play a large part. The fact that our society has decided that men, and white
men in particular, are the highest power has created an atmosphere where bodily
autonomy is viewed as a myth, or as something that you are expected to
surrender. Sex is a good that women can only hold and that exists to be taken
from them.
In popular media, the spectrum of sexual
offenses is narrowed down to one specific definition; 'real' rape is the
blushing virgin maiden who is attacked while out picking blueberries in the
orchard. Any variance of that theme is rejected and labeled as something else.
This happens for a variety of reasons, mostly because nobody wants to believe
that they know a rapist, although the statistical data makes it overwhelmingly
likely. We wish to think that we are good judges of character and that nobody
we like or socialize with regularly could be a sexual predator. When someone
demonstrates this behavior, we allow it and pardon it, telling ourselves that
REAL predators wear long black capes and will make sure to give us the telltale
mustache twirl before they savage us. When presented with claims that one near
and dear to us is a rapist, the average response is to reject it out of hand.
Of course the high school quarterback
didn't rape anyone, he is such a nice boy. That mother could never have
molested her children, she sold cookies at the school bake sale. I don't see a
third teat on her anywhere, and we all know that rapists have a third teat.
Even when presented with irrefutable evidence, we bend over backwards in an
attempt to accommodate. Poor dear didn't know any better than to force themselves
on an unconscious person, how can they say no when they're unconscious? That's
not 'real' rape. Oh, your ex-boyfriend assaulted you? Well, you two were in a
relationship three years ago. How could he possibly comprehend that your sexual
relationship was also over and that you weren't just playing hard to get?
That's not 'real' rape either.
This desire to
demonize the offender blinds us. A large amount of assaults are never
officially reported based on the accurate assumption that the victim will not
be believed. One of the most prominent ways we reinforce rape culture is by the
widespread victim blaming. We excuse and condone a rapists behaviour by telling
a victim she was asking for it. We ask where you were, who were you with, how
much you've had to drink, what you were wearing, and every time we do this we
give rapists a checklist of attributes to search for when seeking out their
victims. When they go after an intoxicated woman wearing a little black dress,
the public at large will act as their defense lawyers, free of charge.
This pervading
belief that there is some secret handshake one can master in order to prevent a
sexual assault is insulting, and doubly so since it does a disservice to both
genders. These messages wouldn't be so insidious if it weren't for the fact
that they are widely believed. I can't tell you how many times I have heard
someone say 'that's just how things are', as though sexual assault is a
meteorological phenomena. "Best bring your chastity belt, it's looking mighty
rapey today." These messages are so ingrained in us that most don't even
question them. Women shouldn't dare to be a woman in public, obviously every
man turns into a boner werewolf at the slightest provocation.
Nowhere is the
element of subjugation more evident than in the education we give women. We
tell them to stay inside, to bring an escort, instead of teaching them how to
protect themselves. I can't count the times that I've been cautioned not to
fight back against an attacker, lest I get myself killed. We teach girls that
they need to say no in exactly the right manner, firm and unyielding but never
ever mean; just because someone is exhibiting predatory behaviours doesn't mean
we should make them feel bad about themselves.
The act of rape prevention is entirely upon
your shoulders, but don't you dare exhibit yourself in a way that we might
consider unfeminine while you do it. Nobody likes it when you're over dramatic.
We also tell men that they are not men unless they are chasing tail, that they
shouldn't take no for an answer, that the best way to demonstrate their manhood
is by exerting their power over others. We tell them that they are naturally
sexually aggressive, that there is no other way.
